Hey Fat Girl...Come Here, Are you Ticklish?

Bonus points if you know what song that's from...

I just came from a dress/ scarf/ etc store near my house. I wanted to get another shirt similar to one I already had. So I go in and I see these really pretty dresses. Long, loose fitting, real African looking dressing (yeah, I said it). So I figure I'll get one of these. I keep unfolding them and holding them up to my body but they're too long. The sales person is trying to help me find one that's short enough for me, but they're essentially all the same length. She holds the dress up against herself and tries to convince me that it's shorter. She says, "Try it on." I say, "It's the same length as the other one". She says, "It won't be as long because you're fat".

End scene.

Most people who know me know that I struggle with my weight. It is what it is. So, to hear at least once a month that I'm fat, doesn't help. In any way. I know I'm plus sized. I wear clothes that look good on me and I'm working out. So why, Ethiopia, do you have to point it out? I've never had it said in such a way that is so unsolicited. Once, in Kenya, my friend's brother asked if I would be okay walking to this school in the bush. I said "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" He says "Because you're fat". Still stung, but at least I opened the door for that. I've gotten the unsolicited, out of the blue "You're fat".

Ethiopian: "Oh do you like Ethiopian food?"
Me: "Yeah, I really enjoy Ethiopian food."
Ethiopian: "Most faranjis (foreigners) don't like it. They say it's too spicy".
Me (thinking it's probably that they don't like having the runs): "No, I love Ethiopian food. It's not too spicy".
Ethiopian: "Maybe if you eat more Ethiopian food you'll lose weight".

Who says this? Other Africans at least frame it like it's a good thing. Like "Oh, you're shaped like our women". Not Ethiopians. It's said with suggestions of how I might go about not being fat anymore (cause who wants to be fat, right?) I was told by my Amharic teacher that Ethiopians don't think it's rude to say such things. They point out skin color, size, height....they are all about physical characteristics. I was told that they called dark Ethiopians "barro" which means 'slave' but is usually used now as a term of endearment (allegedly). My teacher tried to equate it with 'nigger'. I gave him the blank face. Black in the US of A don't walk around calling people 'nigger' based on their skin tone. Imagine a white person calling a Black person 'nigger' like it's a damn term of endearment. Not happening. Anyway, all about physical characteristics. And no shame. NO SHAME. I had the man at the immigration counter ask me if I was American then proceed to tell me I was big and fat. After I asked him to repeat himself twice, he stuttered and said "Big and fat. Physically.....but it's a good thing". Would I be big and fat spiritually? Is my aura obese? I would think that a country that has a international reputation for famine, hunger, and drought, would not be so hung up on being skinny? Do you WANT people to think the famine is still going on? Yes. I think they're hating. That food insecurity got 'em messed up so anybody who looks like they get regular meals just gets fistfuls of hate (just kidding).

Alright. I'm done here.

The overweight lova's in the house.

Comfort Zone

've tried to be a little more relaxed about planning my weekends, but it's hard when you spend all week alone, only to turn around and spend the weekend alone as well. It's not happened that often but it sticks out in my mind when it does. One thing I've been struggling with is my group of "friends" and trying not to let my social life revolve around them. They often aren't proactive about reaching out to me, which often leaves me feeling out of the loop and questioning our alleged friendship. I have to text several of them in order to find out what's going on (if they respond) and often times, I have to hear from my female friend that they're all hanging out. Before I used to get my own invitations. Now, if she doesn't tell me, I don't know. But then everyone acts excited to see me and are all "Hey, long time. How's work?" etc etc. It doesn't help that the other two women who are affiliated with this group are dating people in the group and are invited by default. I, who keeps her panties on, am not sleeping with anyone and I've wondered on several occasions if that is why the invites are so infrequent and scattered.

Anyway, with this new resolve to not limit my social life to this one group (cause there might many lonely nights/ weekends if I do), I'm trying to be open to other outings/ gatherings. Last night, one of my friends that I carpool to work with, MK, invited me to hear his band at this bar. He's cool people and another of our co-workers was playing with him (also cool people) so I figured why not. Then ANOTHER coworker (the one who wears sweaters to the club) had some friends in town who wanted to go out and invited me to join them. On top of that, a friend from Nairobi was in town and she wanted to get together. It was turning into a busy night. So, again, going with my resolve to spread my social butterfly wings, I got dressed to go to dinner, a bar and potentially a club. Dinner was cool; we met at one of the cultural restaurants in town since I don't think my Nairobi friend had been to one before. I then jetted from there to the bar where I saw several people from work who had come out to support the band. It's always a little awkward for me, going to social functions where I know people from work will be there because I feel a little bit like Clark Kent. At work, I'm professional, with my work-appropriate skirts and spectacles. At night, the hemlines get a little shorter, the pants and shirts tighter, and I almost never wear my glasses. So there are always comments like "Wow, you look really nice" and of course, I'm feeling overdressed. The performance was...entertaining. MK had invited one of his friends, who is a somewhat popular Ethiopian singer, to sing with the band. He warned me that there might be some rock star theatrics and drama that came along with him. Sure enough, once this man came out, you would have thought he ran the band-- telling them to slow down, posting his foot on the speaker and leaning over like he was serenading someone, jumping all over the place, etc. The crowd was mostly expats so most of us didn't know who he was anyway--obviously, he didn't realize that (or was too drunk to notice). The band did a pretty good job of keeping up with him (especially since they hadn't practiced together before) but it was still pretty entertaining as he's trying to get the crowd hype and the crowd was almost adamant about NOT getting hype. Overall, though, it seemed like everyone had a good time and my coworkers were happy with their performance. I didn't end up going to the club but that's okay because I had on the wrong shoes anyway (I would have been sexy but definitely in pain). It was a somewhat early Friday night (especially given that there have been weekend nights where I didn't get home until five in the morning). But I had a good time. I've noticed that I will bend over backwards to hang out with one group of "friends" while shirking other groups of potential friends. Only to see that...the "friends" I thought were friends act like they don't know my number half of the time. It's been an eye-opening experience and I am becoming more comfortable spending time by myself (reading, decorating, watching tv, etc) and more open to the fun I can have with other (non-Black) people.

Tis all for now.